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How to Prepare for the Get
- The couple must be already living separately for the Get to be written.
- We usually write the Get in Queens, but other arrangements can be discussed with the Bet Din.
- Bring photo ID, the Ketubah, and any other relevant documentation, such as the marriage license and divorce judgement, if available.
- The process usually takes 1.5 hours, so each party should bring work or something to do while the Get is being written and signed.
- It is highly encouraged for each party to bring along a friend, family member, or rabbi for emotional support and to help pass the time. This is especially true for the wife, as there will be many men in the room between the rabbis and husband’s side. At times, the Bet Din can offer the companionship of a female volunteer – either a local rebbetzin or trained volunteer from ORA.
- If it is too challenging for the couple to be in the room at the same time together for the duration or direct delivery of the get, arrangements can be made for the get to be delivered by agent.
The Get / Jewish Divorce Ceremony
- The Torah tells us that in the event of divorce, a husband must write a bill of divorce, known as a Get, and deliver it to his wife. In Jewish law, the Get is not a court procedure but an act of the parties themselves.
- Any form of recording Get proceedings is prohibited.
- The Get is written in Hebrew by a trained scribe on behalf of the husband and signed by two witnesses who then witness the delivery of the get from husband to wife.
- First, the husband makes pro forma declarations (scripted below) to nullify any statements that he may have made that could invalidate the Get. Then, he appoints the scribe to write the get, witnesses to sign it, and, if the Get is being done by agency (messenger), an agent to deliver it, as well.
- Given the Get must be written with the husband’s writing materials but he is not coming to the Bet Din with a feather quill and ink, the scribe will gift him with a pack of writing materials as an absolute gift. Upon appointing the scribe, the husband hands the scribe back the materials to use on his behalf to write his get.
- Depending on the names of the place and parties and nature of the Get, the writing and signing of the get can take between about an hour. Feel free to do any work you have with you during this time, but you should ask permission before leaving the room or taking a phone call.
- We ask that you present means of identification at the beginning of the procedure to ensure that we are writing the Get for the correct individuals.
The Text of the Get
- The Get is a personal document written from husband to wife stating, in rough translation, “On this date, I so-and-so, standing here in this location, divorce you, so-and-so, of my own free will. You are free and permissible to anyone. This is a bill of divorce to you from me according to the Law of Moshe and Israel.”
- It is written “Lishmo” (for his sake), “Lishmah” (for her sake), “u’leshem gerushin” (for the sake of divorce). As such, it is imperative that we include the most accurate and precise names of the parties involved in order to properly address the Get. Names that are not in regular use are often omitted, as they may be considered “forgotten.” If nobody calls you by your middle name, there’s a good chance an uninitiated third party would think a check written out to a person by that name is not intended for you.
- The Get is unconditional: to the extent that there may be any outstanding matters between husband and wife, they have no bearing on the Get.
- The practice of our Bet Din is to write a Sephardic Get if the couple is Sephardic and a Ashkenazic Get if the couple is Ashkenazic. The core differences are the spelling conventions of the names and a few boilerplate nuances. Both versions are completely valid according to each tradition.
- The Get is proofread, signed by two kosher witnesses, dried, and proofread again.
Delivery of the Get
Once the Get is written, signed, dried, and folded, the husband and wife face each other, and the husband places the Get in his wife’s hands in front of the witnesses, by which he effects the divorce. She should not move her hands or help him, and she should remove all rings beforehand, if possible. As a means of demonstrating dominion over the Get, she then raises the get up, brings it down, and walks a few feet and back.
The Get is then reread by the witnesses and torn by the scribe to demonstrate that it has been used. At this time, the writing materials are no longer needed, so the scribe requests that they be given to him as an absolute gift. As a matter of record, we ask that you sign the back of the get with your signature and address to prove that you were present.
For the protection of the parties involved, the practice across the Jewish world for centuries has been to keep the Get on file by the Bet Din and not allow the divorcee to keep it. Each party will receive a certificate of divorce, which should be presented to an officiating rabbi upon if one seeks to remarry. It is recommended that you take a picture when you get it and save the digital and hard copies in your files.
Divorce certificates are sent by mail after all the paperwork is filed, which usually takes 2-3 weeks.
After the Get
- You may no longer be secluded with your ex-spouse: doing so may necessitate another get. The presence of children may or may not aid in abating this prohibition. Consult your rabbi regarding how to navigate this.
- A female divorcee may not remarry for 92 days including the day of divorce and remarriage to avoid any question regarding the paternity of a potential child.
- A female divorcee may never marry a Kohen, a member of the priestly tribe.
- Keep your Ketubah as proof of Jewishness for your children.
- Keep your certificate of divorce to show the officiating rabbi prior to remarriage.
Questions? Don’t hesitate to contact us before, during, or after the Get process.